Babysitter Troubles
My babysitter watches my children (2 and 4 y/o) when I’m at work. She’s great and has always shown good judgment. The problem is her new boyfriend. I’m hearing from my 4 y/o son that he is over almost every day. She’s never told or asked me if this was okay. I trust her, but not him. I met him once and he gives me the creeps. I’m probably being paranoid, but lately I can’t find my camera and some other things. I need her, but I’m really uncomfortable about the boyfriend situation. I can’t shake it. My concentration at work is bad because I’m always worried about what’s going on at home. What should I do? I don’t want to offend and lose her. Do you think I’m overreacting?
It seems like under reacting is a more accurate description because you are resisting confronting a situation that is so unsettling for you. Clearly, you value and need your babysitter, but in an effort to keep the status quo, you repeatedly doubt your perceptions. This self doubt gets transmitted and shapes the way in which others respond to you. In this situation, it undermines your authority giving your babysitter a tremendous amount of power. Maybe this is why she feels free to invite her boyfriend over without consulting you. She probably senses that you don’t want to upset her which ultimately gives her free reign. Continuously allowing her boyfriend into your home without telling you feels deceptive and lacks good judgment. Do you have to overlook inappropriate behavior and compromise your comfort level (and possibly the safety of your children) in order to keep her and avoid searching for a replacement?
Feeling uneasy in reaction to your babysitter’s boyfriend is an important piece of information to recognize and understand. Unless getting “the creeps” from people is a typical reaction, your intuition is likely telling you that something is not right. Be sure not to deny your instincts, they are there for a reason.
It is important that you take control of this situation in order to protect your children, and yourself. Be clear with your babysitter that you are not comfortable having her boyfriend in your home when you are not there. Express your appreciation for her, but insist that she communicate and get permission for anything out of the ordinary that occurs in your home.