Afraid He’s Going to Cheat

I am engaged to a man that has been with many women some were just for sex, but two of them he considered relationships. The problem is that he was never faithful to any of them. I was a virgin when we met and never in a relationship. He’s honest with me and treats me well, but I am so jealous. I can’t stop worrying that he will cheat on me. I’ve gotten really insecure and it’s ruining our relationship because I keep questioning him and we argue a lot. We really love each other and he gave me the ring, but I just don’t know…

Marriage is a huge commitment and you seem to be taking it very seriously. Trust is the necessary foundation upon which relationships are built and without it one may always feel insecure. You say he is honest with you, but seem to have difficulty believing him. Because he has never been faithful in a relationship, it is not surprising that you are concerned. Patterns get repeated across relationships unless some intervention is made which changes the recurring behavior. Individuals bring their own internal conflicts and fears into their relationships and these must be understood and resolved in order to have healthy interactions and fulfilling lives with their partners. Also, since this is your first relationship and an entirely new experience for you it is understandable that you have many questions and uncertainties about the way in which to handle the interpersonal struggles. Your relationship and life together are just beginning and you have important issues to address before getting married. I wonder if you and your fiancé have considered going to therapy to deal with these issues. The process would allow you to openly express feelings and concerns about your relationship and the commitment to each other. Such a process will likely improve your communication and lead you to understand and connect to each other on a deeper level.