Class Difference Relationship
I’m 47 and divorced. My ex was financially successful but it was empty and unconnected. I’ve been dating someone for 9 months who I really love—like never before. The problem is he’s not a professional and won’t be able to have conversations with my friends’ husbands about business or important topics. My family hasn’t met him because they’ll think he’s beneath me and unsophisticated. He doesn’t have money, but we talk a lot, he’s thoughtful, caring and makes me feel so happy. He won’t go to school or change careers because he loves his job. I broke up with him and was so depressed I cried for days until we got back together. What should I do?
It seems that your confusion reflects a deeper conflict within you between your boyfriend’s class/financial status and the love you feel for him. Until you are able to separate and come to terms with the issues, it will be difficult to make a clear decision and know what you want in this relationship. Because of the worry that your boyfriend will be judged harshly, you have avoided introducing him to your friends and family. Although your expectations of their reaction may be accurate, is it possible that these fears indicate your own discomfort with your boyfriend’s class and/or status? Acknowledging this may be difficult because it requires you to be honest with yourself about deeply rooted prejudiced feelings.
In your life a great deal of emphasis and value was placed on the accomplishments and financial status of your family and anyone with whom you associated. It is not surprising that these discriminatory tendencies would get assimilated. However, living your life and choosing a partner based upon those ideals did not bring you happiness in your marriage.
This relationship provides you with the emotional fulfillment and connection which was missing previously. If you and your boyfriend remain together, be sure to speak candidly about your fears regarding your differences and encourage him to do the same. Most importantly, if you continue feel discomfort with his career choice or status, do not expect to persuade him to change. If he is content, yet feels forced to change for you, he may experience this as manipulative which could negatively impact your relationship.