Cutting and Eating Disorder

My daughter told me her best friend is secretly cutting herself and doesn’t eat or eats everything in sight and throws up. Her mom doesn’t know any of this. My daughter doesn’t want me to say anything because her friend asked her not to tell. What’s going on with this kid? I don’t know what to do.

Your daughter’s friend is clearly experiencing extreme mental anguish as the self injurious behavior suggests. Individuals that self mutilate are overwhelmed by emotional distress and experience an uncontrollable desire to inflict physical pain on themselves. During this process, they report a temporary shift in focus from the internal to the external and a sensation that the internal emotional pain is getting released. In addition, symptoms of Bulimia Nervosa, an eating disorder, are also a form of self injurious behavior. Those suffering from Bulimia binge eat until physically uncomfortable and then purge the food by vomiting or use of laxatives. Again, a temporary sense of release and relief is reported. Individuals with eating disorders express a strong need for control and an inability to self soothe when emotionally distressed. Overwhelming feelings are turned against the self and extreme control is exerted over the body through self punitive means. Your daughter’s friend seems to be suffering with these symptoms.

Reassure your daughter that you will not betray her trust by divulging the information; however, impress upon her that she has a responsibility to her friend. Encourage your daughter to express her concerns and discuss the options available with her friend. Perhaps she can persuade her friend to confide in her mother and get the help which she so desperately needs.