Divorce or Not

I have been married for ten years and have two beautiful children. My husband is a good father but we have no relationship and at this point, we hardly speak to each other. I’ve tried getting him to go to counseling but he refuses. I’m afraid of how our relationship is affecting the kids. Should I divorce or stay with him for the sake of the children? I’m miserable and confused.

The decision to divorce or stay married is rarely simple, particularly when children are involved. There are many complex issues involved in every relationship which must be carefully considered. As individuals, we bring our own internal conflicts into our relationships and these must be understood in order to have healthy interactions with the people in our lives. The communication between you and your husband is limited and without professional intervention it is unlikely that it will improve. He has refused counseling, but I wonder if you have considered individual therapy for yourself. Your own therapy will give you the opportunity to openly express your feelings and examine deeper issues within yourself which may be impacting your marital relationship. Until you are aware of these issues, making a decision with clarity and certainty is quite difficult. Additionally, when one person in a relationship changes, the entire relationship adjusts accordingly and this alone can transform the way your family relates.

Because of the troubled marital relationship, many issues are not openly discussed in the home and your children are learning from this example. The shut down in communication between you and your husband may be confusing and anxiety provoking for your children. Children are very perceptive and likely feel the tension between the two of you, but may not know how to identify it or feel comfortable enough to ask questions and express their fears. They may worry that asking questions will cause discomfort for you or your husband or make the situation worse. Encourage your children to talk about their thoughts and feelings regarding their family. If you become more comfortable expressing feelings and encouraging open communication in the home, your children will learn to do the same and will likely bring this openness to their future relationships.