Divorcing Parents

My wife and I recently divorced. She’s angry and criticizes me to our kids and anyone that will listen. She won’t speak to me directly, only by messages through the children. When it’s my day to have them, she’s late, makes appointments, or gets the kids to make other plans, and ask me if it’s okay. If I say no, I’m the bad guy again. I just want a good relationship with my kids and I feel like she won’t let that happen. What can I do?

Divorce is extremely disruptive and the adjustment can be very challenging for most families especially when children are concerned. Unfortunately, when the residual anger and resentment from one or both parents gets out of control, it is the children who suffer the most. This problem leads to one of the worst scenarios for a family after divorce. Your ex-wife’s inability to contain her anger is toxic and no doubt has a detrimental effect on your children’s emotional state. It is highly destructive for any parent to undermine the other parental relationship with the children. Crossing boundaries such as criticizing the other parent, interfering with their visits, and using the children as messengers can have devastating results.

Consequently, your children likely feel confused as their loyalty to you is challenged. Family stability as they knew it has been shattered. They may fear losing their mother’s love/approval or worse that she may retaliate against them if they defy her. This is a terrible bind for your children and it is crucial that limits are set on her behavior. A court appointed parent mediator may be necessary to help you and your wife communicate in a civil manner for the best interest of the children and your relationship with them.