Heart Broken
My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago. He was my bestfriend and I’m having a very hard time getting over it. I always thought we’d get back together, but it hasn’t happened. Now I’m obsessed with looking on his facebook. If he posts new pictures with girls, I feel jealous and sick. He knows I still care and rubs it in my face by flirting with girls in front of me when I see him out. I can’t meet anyone else—they don’t compare to him. How do I move on?
When relationships end, a mourning process occurs for one or both partners and each individual deals differently with the feelings of loss and sadness. Perhaps you were unable to move through the process because you didn’t expect the break up to last. Such denial keeps emotions at a standstill as it can be a way to hold onto the relationship. Compulsively looking at your ex-boyfriend’s facebook serves a similar purpose by remaining connected, albeit at a distance; however, the emotional backlash is torturous. You likely compare yourself to the women in the photos which may lead to increased self doubt and more unanswered questions about why the relationship ended. Although your obsessions may be an attempt to make sense of the loss, resist the temptation to look at his facebook. Continuing this behavior only prolongs your agony. This may require you to “defriend” him and block your access to his profile.
It is almost always more difficult for one that has been jilted to make sense of the rejection and move forward. You seem to maintain an ideal image of your ex-boyfriend and believe that no other men compare. When comparisons are made, it is a set up for disappointment because certainly no one is exactly like your ex, but fixating on his qualities may preclude you from appreciating other important attributes in someone else. Also, ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone that knows your vulnerability and intentionally taunts you by blatantly flirting with other women.
In order to move on, it is important to focus on your needs. Much of your time and energy has been directed toward your former relationship and you were overlooked in the process. When you value yourself, others will too.