Adolescent Cutting

I’ve been unemployed for almost a year so life is stressful in our home. I’m worried about my 13 y/o. She spent Christmas break with her father where she’s miserable because he expects perfect behavior. When she’s not perfect or gets sassy, he goes crazy and gets aggressive. It was bad. They fought constantly. I depend on his payments and he can be a jerk about money (sometimes withholds it or really delays), so I try not to upset him. Now she’s home and she is cutting herself! What does that mean? Is she suicidal?

Cutting is a self mutilating behavior. Those who cut, report feeling unable to control the impulse to inflict physical pain on themselves by cutting, scratching, burning. These individuals become overwhelmed and extremely frustrated because they have no outlet to express uncomfortable feelings and so the feelings get bottled up. Cutting is seen as their only way to release this internal tension. During the act of cutting, many report a temporary shift in focus from the internal to the external and a sense of euphoria as the tension releases and dissipates. Some experience a disconnection from their emotions and believe that the physical pain from cutting allows them to feel. Others feel they are bad or tainted internally and cutting is seen as ridding their body of this toxicity, yet the relief is only temporary. Cutting is not necessarily a suicidal gesture, but clearly a symptom of serious distress. Your daughter needs to be evaluated by a professional in order to determine the severity of these symptoms. In addition, psychotherapy would provide an outlet for her to express and understand her feelings and help her realize that turning aggression onto herself does not address the underlying problem.

Both of you are in situations where neither feels in control. Being unemployed for so long is frustrating and worrisome to say the least. Having to rely on her father financially gives him control and leaves you and your daughter feeling resigned to comply with his demands. His inability to contain his frustration with your daughter is neither safe nor healthy. Convey to her that you will not allow anyone to mistreat her, including her father. By standing up to her father and setting limits on his behavior you demonstrate strength and an ability to take control of difficult situations. If her father attempts to manipulate by withholding payments, you may need to involve the court system.