Envious Friends

I have a friend that follows everything I do. She buys the same outfits and accessories that I wear. At work she criticizes me, then steals my ideas. I usually don’t mind sharing, but this one really bothers me. Once I said something and she acted like it was my problem. Is it?

It sounds like your friend harbors unrestrained envious feelings toward you. She obviously admires you, yet is unable to express it as such. Envy is a universal emotion which everyone experiences. Emotionally healthy individuals acknowledge feeling envious; yet resist the urge to take from others when they covet something. Problems occur when the envious person acts on the wish to take away that which they desire. You seem to be experiencing this through your friend’s copycat behavior. She usurps your style, ideas and individuality by adopting them as her own and you are left feeling stripped, betrayed and angry. In addition, her criticism of you is likely an attempt to demoralize your self worth. If you begin to doubt yourself because of such criticism, she has succeeded in undermining your confidence which she undoubtedly does not want you to have—she wants it for herself. It is extremely difficult to have a friendship with someone who behaves with such hostility. If you communicate your feelings and she refuses to take responsibility perhaps you need to reevaluate whether this friendship is worth it. Remember, this is her issue not yours. The clearer you become about this, the less likely she will succeed in tearing you down.