Ex Boyfriend Engaged
My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years. He said he never wanted to get married, but I always thought he would change his mind. We broke up 6 months ago because I told him I couldn’t say in the relationship if it wasn’t going anywhere. I just found out that he met another girl and got engaged! I can’t believe I wasted all that time waiting for him. I’m heartbroken and miserable. Why did this happen? Why did he lie to me?
After investing so much time and energy in a relationship it is sad and disappointing to see it end. The process of healing involves mourning the loss and growth comes through understanding what transpired between the two of you. From this perspective, no relationship is truly a waste of time. Allowing yourself to examine the interpersonal dynamics will help you recognize the role you played which may have contributed to the impasse in the relationship. Such awareness leads to a clearer understanding of yourself and may prevent you from repeating the same pattern in future relationships.
It appears your boyfriend was honest that he did not envision the two of you getting married. The misleading part was that his aversion to marriage pertained specifically to your relationship. This realization is extremely hurtful and given his recent engagement, it is not surprising that you feel betrayed and confused. However, I wonder if you were completely honest with him. You seem to have had a hidden agenda—regardless of what he said you secretly dismissed his statements and expected for him to change to your way of thinking. Your boyfriend may have sensed this dismissal of his feelings and as a result disconnected from you. Couples communicate in numerous ways beyond verbal exchange. Non-verbal communications are frequently responded to through behavior and attitudes toward each other. Passive aggressive behaviors such as withdrawal and betrayal are an indication of hostile non-verbal communication. Perhaps your wish to marry prevented you from truly hearing your boyfriend because his position opposed yours. This may have served to alienate him and hinder your closeness. In the future, if you are objective and inquire about your partner’s feelings, particularly when they are contrary to yours, you will convey interest and acceptance, thus encouraging honesty in the relationship.